I have a few friends who write very well. They captivate me with the way they describe seemingly ordinary things. In some cases, their metaphors are classic. They seem to spring up like desert flowers rising from the sand after a warm rain. In other cases, they use actual pictures — rather than word pictures -- to help tell their stories, often wrenching smiles or tears from their readers.
Today, I wish I had a picture. Actually, I could take a picture, but it would take me so long to set up that I am using one I found online.
This picture will help me tell my “Squeeze” story. You see, we have the nativity set that’s in the picture and, no, it’s not for sale. Our set came as a gift from Cathy’s mom, who sold Avon for something like 50 years. Our kids were growing up when we received this set and they became very accustomed to getting Avon gifts from Mamma. In fact, our kids grew up wondering if just about everything on the planet came from Avon. “Is it Avon?” was the common question at our house.
Every year, Cathy and I decorate for Christmas and pull out that Avon Nativity set. As you can see in the picture above, each piece comes in its own box. Therein lies the “Squeeze” challenge. The plastic storage box we bought is just the right size to hold the entire set…if you pack it in exactly the right order. If you don’t, you end up with a “full” box and a piece or two that don’t seem to fit.
For this reason, one of the most dreaded annual chores at our house is re-packing the Avon nativity set in individual boxes, then in the storage box. The operative word is “re-packing” since we have to re-pack, then re-pack again until we get it just right. This year, Cathy announced that I am better at this than she and I tried to “squeeze” my way out of it, but she wouldn’t budge. It. Took. Me. A. Long. Time! Finally, it was safely tucked away until later this year when, if we keep up our tradition, we will pull it out the Friday after Thanksgiving.
I described this “Squeeze” to you because we reach the end of our “Clean Slate” series this weekend at Stone Ridge Church. After talking about numerous obstacles that keep dusting up our relational slates, it’s time to find a way to get clean. The only problem is that relationships are continually messy. The people who figure out ways to live at peace with everyone have to keep working at it. Frequently it requires a lot of “do-overs” (re-packing) to get our relationships to squeeze together nicely.
We will talk about it this weekend at Stone Ridge and I hope you can join us. Can’t be there? Catch the podcast!
Monday, February 9, 2015
Squeeze
Monday, February 2, 2015
Fully Equipped
My very first car, a 1955 Ford, was a jewel my dad found. Dad was a mechanic and often the Service Manager at the local Ford dealer. It was 1968 and dad knew the lady who had bought it when it was new. He had overseen all the maintenance on it. It was the proverbial “little old lady who only drove it to the store and to church” car. I think it had something less than 50,000 miles on it at thirteen years old. Dad bought it for me at the whopping purchase price of $150.
(Before I go on with my story, I need to stop and tell my antique car-building friends to quit drooling!)
That 1955 Ford was a classic. It came well-equipped with an AM radio, a heater and a motor. The standard transmission was a three-speed on the column. The steering? Well, let me tell you about the “power” steering…I powered it! At the time, I thought nothing of it, but that steering wheel was HUGE! The large size helped provide leverage to turn those front wheels.
I want to talk about the steering for a minute. Early on, I just figured that I would never need mechanically-assisted power steering. My parents had it in their new car at the time, but it didn’t make driving their car that much easier than driving my old 1955. It’s only a slight exaggeration when I tell you that I just figured the over-sized steering wheel and MY SUPERIOR MALE STRENGTH made power steering unnecessary…
…until I found out just how wrong I was! A few years later, our young family was in need of a car. Our budget was low…we were trying to squeeze a dollar out of every dime…and I jumped at the chance when my friend John found a great deal on a used Mercury. We bought that car, brought it home and marveled at how much we had saved. Until we discovered a severe power steering fluid leak. Did I say the leak was severe? We could fill up the power steering reservoir and still hear the whine of low fluid after driving just a few miles. I’m pretty sure we chip-sealed several miles of Phoenix streets with our power steering fluid!
The worst part was when the whine in the power steering unit was replaced by complete loss of power. Turning that car became so hard that I could have cancelled my gym membership (if I had one) because of my workout while driving. I’m pretty sure it is easier to turn a Sherman tank than it was to turn that steering wheel!
As you can probably guess, this post isn’t really about power steering. It’s about the futility of trying to accomplish anything without the needed power. Sure, we could barely turn corners by exerting significant, sweat-producing force on that Mercury steering wheel, but it was nearly impossible to turn. And it was dangerous. Why? Because that car wasn’t designed to drive without power steering!
As you and I steer our lives toward reconciliation, we weren’t designed to do so without a power assist. It’s futile to try living with deep, lasting relationships and a relational “Clean Slate” without the Power. Don’t worry; if you follow Jesus, relational power steering is part of your factory equipment. This weekend, we will talk about how to stay powered up. Can’t wait to share it with you at Stone Ridge Church. Can’t join us? Catch the podcast!
Monday, January 26, 2015
Is jealousy righteous...or selfish?
Growing up on a little farm meant that dogs were a natural and necessary part of our lives. We almost always had at least one (sometimes more) big dog. Somewhere along the line we got a little Pekinese mix and she ruled all the other dogs, but that’s another story. For several years we had a good-sized German Shepherd mix we named Keno (I had never heard that was a form of gambling when I was a kid, so I have no idea where the name came from.) Keno was a loving, friendly and energetic family dog, but he protected his territory, especially our house.
Keno slept and stayed outside, even in the cold winters. On nice nights, he would sleep on the front lawn, always alert for any incursion upon his territory (our property). One evening, some friends were coming to spend their last night in town before they moved away. They had finished packing quite late and finally arrived at our place long after we were bedded down for the night. As their headlights turned into our gravel driveway, Keno immediately went into full protection mode. He straddled the sidewalk, barking. As our friends started opening their car doors, Keno added a ferocious growl.
Keno’s bark had woken up my parents, but our guests weren't sure so the man started hollering my dad’s name: “Jimmie! Jimmie!” As my dad opened the front door, the friend yelled, “I think it’s a lion!”
It wouldn’t surprise me if, somewhere way up North, another canine was barking that night. This time, though, it would have been a wolf, fierce and hungry. The animal’s bark could have been directed at a hunter, whose kill the wolf was attempting to steal. It could have been a small bear or even another wolf. The growl and bark of this animal was not the righteous protection of his “own” territory, but the attempt to control what belonged to another.
I have been thinking about our dog Keno and that imaginary wolf for a while. Jealousy is one of our most powerful emotions. When it is used to protect that which we love, it can be very righteous and helpful. When it is used to control that which we want, it can be devastating…even deadly.
It’s that controlling type of jealousy that enters our conversation as we continue our Clean Slate series this weekend at Stone Ridge Church. When jealousy is ugly and selfish, it becomes the root of much violence. No wonder it keeps many from living in peace with others. I can’t wait to talk with you about it this weekend. Can’t be there? Catch the podcast!
Keno slept and stayed outside, even in the cold winters. On nice nights, he would sleep on the front lawn, always alert for any incursion upon his territory (our property). One evening, some friends were coming to spend their last night in town before they moved away. They had finished packing quite late and finally arrived at our place long after we were bedded down for the night. As their headlights turned into our gravel driveway, Keno immediately went into full protection mode. He straddled the sidewalk, barking. As our friends started opening their car doors, Keno added a ferocious growl.
Keno’s bark had woken up my parents, but our guests weren't sure so the man started hollering my dad’s name: “Jimmie! Jimmie!” As my dad opened the front door, the friend yelled, “I think it’s a lion!”
It wouldn’t surprise me if, somewhere way up North, another canine was barking that night. This time, though, it would have been a wolf, fierce and hungry. The animal’s bark could have been directed at a hunter, whose kill the wolf was attempting to steal. It could have been a small bear or even another wolf. The growl and bark of this animal was not the righteous protection of his “own” territory, but the attempt to control what belonged to another.
I have been thinking about our dog Keno and that imaginary wolf for a while. Jealousy is one of our most powerful emotions. When it is used to protect that which we love, it can be very righteous and helpful. When it is used to control that which we want, it can be devastating…even deadly.
It’s that controlling type of jealousy that enters our conversation as we continue our Clean Slate series this weekend at Stone Ridge Church. When jealousy is ugly and selfish, it becomes the root of much violence. No wonder it keeps many from living in peace with others. I can’t wait to talk with you about it this weekend. Can’t be there? Catch the podcast!
Monday, January 19, 2015
If You Really Knew Me
From time to time I like to remember the day my friend and co-worker Tom rocked my world with these words: “I’m at the point of resigning and walking away,” he said, “because you’re not real. In the past few months, your life has been turned upside down and you are deeply hurt, but you won’t open up about it.”
Talk about a wake-up call!
The truth was that my life HAD been turned upside down. Our church had gone through a major crisis and, in ways unrelated to the church problems, my family was hit with some significant pain. Looking back — it has been over fifteen years — I walked away from that meeting having no idea how to be what Tom called “real.” At that point, my idea of a pastor was someone who took everything that came at him and ministered to the hurts of everyone else while not wanting to burden anyone with his own struggles. It took a while to overcome my own internal image of invulnerability.
In the years since that day, I have constantly been in a sort of “life school,” learning when it is best that I open up about personal stuff versus when I need to wait silently for the Lord to bring me through it. I still don’t get it right sometimes, but God is faithful and I’m getting better about it.
One question that comes back to me is whether my failure to open up was really an issue of pride. Was I mum because I wanted others to believe that I was sort of a Superman who simply didn’t struggle with the things that might cripple “ordinary men?” I admit that pride could have been part of my attitude, but a bigger part was the lack of awareness of my need to be vulnerable and how to do it appropriately.
A very long time ago, I talked with a man about his need to be open and talk about things with his wife. “Complete this sentence,” I said: “If you really knew me…” Without hesitation, he replied, “…you wouldn’t like me!” He lived in fear that others might learn of some great darkness in him and completely reject him. This possible rejection caused him to isolate and insulate himself from others he feared might walk away once they knew the truth about him (whatever it was). We talked a lot that day about the love of God and the deep love that genuine Christ-followers would have for him, regardless of his secrets.
The argument of God’s relentless love and the unconditional acceptance of those who walk in Christ’s forgiveness can be enough to help people like the “…you wouldn’t like me” man take a risk and open up. But what about those who are afraid to open up to Jesus for an entirely different reason:
There is a movement afoot for people to open up about the person they are on the inside. That can be a very good thing, but what often clouds this movement is that old lie, “you are basically good.” In this context, people are encouraged to open up with the expectation that anyone who truly loves us would never want to change anything about us. But what happens if we take this subtle warping of truth to its natural conclusion? That ultimate end could be found in someone like Adolph Hitler. Let’s say that he opened up and told others, “I hate Jews and think all of them should die.” Would we quickly say, “Well, those are your feelings and you are good, so we will just accept you with those feelings; no change necessary!?”
Anyone who knows the Gospel knows it wasn't that way with Jesus. Over and over He met people in their brokenness. He loved them deeply and unconditionally, then said, “Go and sin no more!” It is for this very reason that many people resist coming clean with Jesus. We will meet just such a person in the Bible this weekend at Stone Ridge Church. Frankly, I was surprised when I looked at this meeting through the lens of personal pride and protection. You may react the same way, but I hope you will LOVE the end of the story. I can’t wait to share it with you! Can’t be there? Catch the podcast!
Sunday, January 11, 2015
Begging At The Border
Living near an international border gives me simple and ample opportunities to cross into Mexico on a somewhat regular basis. At various times, I have driven from our home to a parking lot right next to the border crossing, walked across to a pharmacy which is literally across the street from the USA, picked up meds, come back through Customs, and gone home, making the whole trip in about 45 minutes. Being this close allows me to notice one of the constants of border life: beggars.
Most people who beg along the border with the United States do so in the form of selling something. Often it is little packs of gum. Other times it is jewelry or wood carvings or some type of pottery. The constant which is evident in every one of them is their obvious look of deep poverty.
I have heard before that these street merchant/beggars are actually fronting for someone else. Someone else supplies them with their products and someone else takes most of their profits. I don’t know if that is true, but it is pretty easy to see the people with open hands and have pity on them.
All of this makes me wonder if the border beggars ever have hope of a way out. Do they ever look at the tourists who cross into their country and dream of a better life for themselves? Do they notice the medical workers who cross each day to work at various clinics in their city, then go back to America to live and think, “I wonder if I might find a way off this border?” And…I shudder to think this…are there some who have no desire at all to get out of their mess?
I raise that last question because of something I long ago noticed in myself. I grew up in a hard-working family, but with a mom whose spiritual gift of mercy showed up in all its glory when one of her kids got sick. Getting sick meant that mom would dote over us and be concerned about us. More than once, I turned some slight discomfort into a major illness. Staying sick longer made life a little easier for a while.
Don’t judge me too quickly. How many times did you call in sick, then go off to play? A friend of mine told me once about a borderline employee who barely kept her job, then called in ill one morning. Within a couple hours, fellow employees found her at the coffee shop they all frequented, laughing it up with her friends. She got fired that day. Yes, the easy road can be fraught with danger.
This whole thing is human nature working overtime. From the recuperating war hero who gets hooked on prescription drugs to the crime victim who transforms their pain into a permanent identity. I bring the subject up because the ease at which we claim “victim” as our identity is a major obstacle to dealing with things like conflict. We let ourselves get choked with the dust of our pain and use it as excuse so we don’t have to deal with relational conflicts.
That’s what will will talk about this weekend at Stone Ridge Church. It’s Part 2 of our “Clean Slate” series. It might be painful, but don’t miss it; you’ll be more than thankful when the dust clears! Can’t be there? Catch the podcast!
Monday, January 5, 2015
Clean Slate
A long time ago…a long LONG time ago…I didn’t know any better. I remember thinking for months, “This pastor gig is a snap! Best job in the whole world! Everybody loves me!” And they did...
…until they didn’t anymore.
The first sign that something was way off came when I heard that I was being “roasted.” Do you remember that colloquialism? People got roasted — picked on and poked fun at — as a way of garnering attention. And sometimes to raise money for charity. The only problem with me being the roasted pastor was that I wasn’t present and it was a way for some to express their discontent. As someone once said, “They weren’t carrying my photo in their wallets anymore.” At any rate, they took to verbally cutting me up when their group gathered for other purposes.
And it hurt!
The day came when we needed to do something about the problem so we went out for dessert with some friends. We had an enjoyable time with fun and laughter. We were having so much fun that I almost didn’t say anything about the purpose for going out. In fact, Cathy and I were in the backseat of their car and all the way back to our driveway before I finally got up the nerve (Cathy may have elbowed me in the ribs…I don’t remember) to talk about the problem. Then I got an earful. It wasn’t that the other couple wanted to be a part of tearing their pastor down, but that they knew how bad it was and felt I needed to know.
It hurt more!
That painful driveway conversation was the beginning of what would become the regular practice of facing the pain when relationships get bruised. Paul, the Apostle wrote, "If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all." Romans 12:18 (English Standard Version) That’s actually very good news because it means that God wants us to have a clean slate when it comes to relationships. It’s doubly good because we aren’t held responsible for the refusal of others to do the hard work of cleaning things up.
I sat down with one of our Stone Ridge leaders a few weeks ago and talked about some of the pain we had endured in 2014. We had to face it that some people left our church rather than deal with the ugliness of bruised relationships. Unfortunately, many people (including many Christ-followers) treat relationships a bit like we treat garbage…when the container gets full, dump it out and start over again. The obvious result is a relational landfill accumulating more and more people who were once our friends but are now our refuse. Why, we asked ourselves, do so many choose what seems to be the easy road when it does so much long-term damage to the landscape of life?
The results of our conversation became the seeds of our new sermon series “Clean Slate.” What are the roadblocks that keep us from dealing with relational pain? Does God have anything to say about them? Is it possible to hit the reset button and go back to a place of health and hope when relationships have been busted? We believe that the answer is obvious and that God’s intention is to take some of our most damaged relationships and turn them into our most cherished ones!
It all begins this weekend at Stone Ridge Church. Can’t join us in person? Catch the podcasts!
Before you go, I invite you to take advantage of the relational encouragement of reading the Bible with us in 2015. We are excited about this chance to fill our lives with hope and wisdom from the Word of God. Want to join in? Click here to find out how!
…until they didn’t anymore.
The first sign that something was way off came when I heard that I was being “roasted.” Do you remember that colloquialism? People got roasted — picked on and poked fun at — as a way of garnering attention. And sometimes to raise money for charity. The only problem with me being the roasted pastor was that I wasn’t present and it was a way for some to express their discontent. As someone once said, “They weren’t carrying my photo in their wallets anymore.” At any rate, they took to verbally cutting me up when their group gathered for other purposes.
And it hurt!
The day came when we needed to do something about the problem so we went out for dessert with some friends. We had an enjoyable time with fun and laughter. We were having so much fun that I almost didn’t say anything about the purpose for going out. In fact, Cathy and I were in the backseat of their car and all the way back to our driveway before I finally got up the nerve (Cathy may have elbowed me in the ribs…I don’t remember) to talk about the problem. Then I got an earful. It wasn’t that the other couple wanted to be a part of tearing their pastor down, but that they knew how bad it was and felt I needed to know.
It hurt more!
That painful driveway conversation was the beginning of what would become the regular practice of facing the pain when relationships get bruised. Paul, the Apostle wrote, "If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all." Romans 12:18 (English Standard Version) That’s actually very good news because it means that God wants us to have a clean slate when it comes to relationships. It’s doubly good because we aren’t held responsible for the refusal of others to do the hard work of cleaning things up.
I sat down with one of our Stone Ridge leaders a few weeks ago and talked about some of the pain we had endured in 2014. We had to face it that some people left our church rather than deal with the ugliness of bruised relationships. Unfortunately, many people (including many Christ-followers) treat relationships a bit like we treat garbage…when the container gets full, dump it out and start over again. The obvious result is a relational landfill accumulating more and more people who were once our friends but are now our refuse. Why, we asked ourselves, do so many choose what seems to be the easy road when it does so much long-term damage to the landscape of life?
The results of our conversation became the seeds of our new sermon series “Clean Slate.” What are the roadblocks that keep us from dealing with relational pain? Does God have anything to say about them? Is it possible to hit the reset button and go back to a place of health and hope when relationships have been busted? We believe that the answer is obvious and that God’s intention is to take some of our most damaged relationships and turn them into our most cherished ones!
It all begins this weekend at Stone Ridge Church. Can’t join us in person? Catch the podcasts!
Before you go, I invite you to take advantage of the relational encouragement of reading the Bible with us in 2015. We are excited about this chance to fill our lives with hope and wisdom from the Word of God. Want to join in? Click here to find out how!
Monday, December 22, 2014
Closing Out
A second glance at today’s title brings ominous thoughts to mind. "Is he closing out his blog?” “Is he closing out something in his ministry?” “Just what is he closing out?” I’m aware that a “Close Out” can be a sale, but does it signify the end of the business, the end of the year, the end of a certain season or just the end of a certain product? In all cases, it means the end of something, but what?
For me, those words do signify that something is coming to an end, but it’s the same thing that is coming to the end for you: 2014. As I “Close Out” Dwell & Cultivate for another year, I have a few thoughts to share as we head into the holidays.
1. Life is short!
A beloved aunt passed away this year. Aunt Johnnie lived for many years with severe pain, but she was one of the kindest, most gentle women I ever knew. For her, the 92 years she lived were actually too many; she would have preferred to go home to heaven much sooner. Still she cheered us with her attitude and poured out love to all who knew her.
My friends Jo Patti, Bev, Olivia and Brian have all passed away this month. In each case, their lives were relatively short and their loss brings acute pain. Watching them slip out of this life — all were followers of Jesus and they have gone to the place He promised to prepare for them — leaves their families and closest friends with the deep sadness that accompanies their deaths.
“Teach us to number our days…” the Psalmist (Psalm 90:12) said. We can’t really increase our tomorrows, but we can live today to the fullest!
2. Reflect on the lessons of this year.
What have you learned?
What have you gained?
What have you cherished?
What have you wasted?
What investment will yield future rewards?
What do you need to stop doing?
3. Establish a plan for the new year.
How do you want to live differently? What new habit do you need to pick up? I have learned that many good habits are made or lost by tiny decisions. For instance, a decision to walk every day can generate huge health benefits. A problem most people encounter, though, is that they procrastinate. They plan to walk for a certain number of minutes or a certain distance, then they don’t get started on time. That often leads to the decision not to go at all. “I’ll just skip today,” they think. “I’ll do it tomorrow.” You KNOW what happens next; “tomorrow" becomes another “tomorrow” and the decision gets lost. This is where a tiny change can change everything. If you are late and can’t make your planned goal, GO ANYWAY! Walking less is better than not walking at all. When you return home, you can rejoice that you did something and be ready to do better tomorrow!
One area where I encourage you to plan is to have a daily time with God. I have been doing this for many years and I can tell you that the benefits are amazing. For 2015, I invite you to join me and read the Bible through. I have discovered a plan that breaks the year into monthly segments. This means that new people can be welcomed every month and those who get bogged down can pick it up and have a fresh start each month. I will let you know more as we get ready to roll. I plan for us to begin on January 5, 2015. Also, Cathy and I both read a devotional book each year. I will let you know more about this part of our lives, too!
I think it’s an advantage to most of us that the Christmas holidays are at year’s end. We have some time to reflect on the past and think about what’s next. That’s our topic this weekend at Stone Ridge Church. I hope you can join us!
In the meantime, thanks for joining me along the way in 2014! We wish you a full dose of God’s grace and joy this Christmas season!
For me, those words do signify that something is coming to an end, but it’s the same thing that is coming to the end for you: 2014. As I “Close Out” Dwell & Cultivate for another year, I have a few thoughts to share as we head into the holidays.
1. Life is short!
A beloved aunt passed away this year. Aunt Johnnie lived for many years with severe pain, but she was one of the kindest, most gentle women I ever knew. For her, the 92 years she lived were actually too many; she would have preferred to go home to heaven much sooner. Still she cheered us with her attitude and poured out love to all who knew her.
My friends Jo Patti, Bev, Olivia and Brian have all passed away this month. In each case, their lives were relatively short and their loss brings acute pain. Watching them slip out of this life — all were followers of Jesus and they have gone to the place He promised to prepare for them — leaves their families and closest friends with the deep sadness that accompanies their deaths.
“Teach us to number our days…” the Psalmist (Psalm 90:12) said. We can’t really increase our tomorrows, but we can live today to the fullest!
2. Reflect on the lessons of this year.
What have you learned?
What have you gained?
What have you cherished?
What have you wasted?
What investment will yield future rewards?
What do you need to stop doing?
3. Establish a plan for the new year.
How do you want to live differently? What new habit do you need to pick up? I have learned that many good habits are made or lost by tiny decisions. For instance, a decision to walk every day can generate huge health benefits. A problem most people encounter, though, is that they procrastinate. They plan to walk for a certain number of minutes or a certain distance, then they don’t get started on time. That often leads to the decision not to go at all. “I’ll just skip today,” they think. “I’ll do it tomorrow.” You KNOW what happens next; “tomorrow" becomes another “tomorrow” and the decision gets lost. This is where a tiny change can change everything. If you are late and can’t make your planned goal, GO ANYWAY! Walking less is better than not walking at all. When you return home, you can rejoice that you did something and be ready to do better tomorrow!
One area where I encourage you to plan is to have a daily time with God. I have been doing this for many years and I can tell you that the benefits are amazing. For 2015, I invite you to join me and read the Bible through. I have discovered a plan that breaks the year into monthly segments. This means that new people can be welcomed every month and those who get bogged down can pick it up and have a fresh start each month. I will let you know more as we get ready to roll. I plan for us to begin on January 5, 2015. Also, Cathy and I both read a devotional book each year. I will let you know more about this part of our lives, too!
I think it’s an advantage to most of us that the Christmas holidays are at year’s end. We have some time to reflect on the past and think about what’s next. That’s our topic this weekend at Stone Ridge Church. I hope you can join us!
In the meantime, thanks for joining me along the way in 2014! We wish you a full dose of God’s grace and joy this Christmas season!
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