Throw-away Relationships

Appalled. That's a good word. "Filled with consternation; dismayed." That's exactly what I felt recently when Cathy did her usual perusal of the "Births" section in the Yuma Sun. After the initial look to see how many new babies were born to families at Stone Ridge (we are FREQUENTLY blessed with new babies!), Cathy grabbed her pencil and began making marks in the column next to the list. Finally she looked up and said, "There were 53 new babies born in the past couple of weeks in Yuma Country. Only 13 of them have a mother and a father with the same last name." Many of them named only the mom.

Now, I'm not a sociological relic. One of our daughters chose to keep her maiden name when she married and we are fine with that. On the other hand, I am certain that many of the couples with different names are not married and likely will never be married. The vast majority of them will choose at some point in the future -- many of them in the near future -- to end their relationship and move on to someone else. It's safe to say that well over half of those 53 babies will grow up with only one parent or with many different "parents" as the adults in their lives change partners about as rapidly as what happens in a square dance.

Like I said, I was appalled. I suddenly realized that we live in a culture where "throw-away relationships" have become the rule rather than the exception.

How come we can instantly communicate with people all over the planet (I'm still amazed at the level of inter-continental communication I participate in via email, Twitter and Facebook), but we can't seem to develop rich, stable relationships with the people we see face-to-face? What happened that we so easily bought into the lie perpetrated in the popular song: "If you can't be with the one you love, honey, love the one you're with." We traded away the security of life-long marriages and decades-long friendships for the loneliness of surface-level connections. Don't get me wrong. I'm full of compassion for those who endure the pain of divorce; some of my dearest friends have walked through that quagmire. And not a single one of them would wish that pain upon their friends!

After five days of creation in which everything He had made was good, God was faced with a quandary: "Then the Lord God said, 'It is not good for the man to be alone.'” (Genesis 2:18 NLT) God's designed solution was about far more than physical connection and procreation; He designed us to develop deep and lasting relationships at the psychological and spiritual levels. He wanted us to "finish each other's sentences" as we get old. He meant for us to marvel at the depths of His workings in the hearts of people we come to know. He meant for us to be there for our children and for them to grow up in the security of a home in which NOTHING threatens to shake it apart save a death we cannot control.

Instead, we have settled for "throw-away relationships." Our relational landfills are heaped with the smelly baggage of our past and we keep piling more on...unless something happens to break the cycle. Jesus came to mend broken relationships. It was the last promise of the Old Testament prophets; a promise that would be fulfilled from the heart and by the power of God. "His preaching will turn the hearts of fathers to their children, and the hearts of children to their fathers.” (Malachi 4:6 NLT)

The question is, "Can the church do something to help us deepen our relationships?" Surely the answer is, "Yes!" It's what we will talk about this weekend at Stone Ridge. Bring a friend! Can't be there? Catch the podcast of the sermon online or download it.

 

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Celebration or Desolation?

The old couple sat down with a large photo album. Page by page, they relived their memories. There they were on their first date. He was shy and awkward; she had a mischievous smile. Then came a few wedding pictures, so young, so innocent. The old woman choked back a sob and her husband wiped off the tear coursing down his cheek as they looked at the pictures of their children growing up. A tragic accident had taken the life of their third child; their precious daughter. They relived the awful memories of that fateful phone call and the hopelessness they felt. After that, they struggled in their marriage for awhile. They were both lonely, longing for the comfort they each needed to receive, but neither seemed able to give. They weathered that hard season, their love rekindled and they smiled as they looked at the family around them on their 50th Wedding Anniversary. All in all, the years had been good and they were grateful.

Celebration. Desolation. Life is full of both in this broken world. Long relationships, like the one that old couple enjoyed, are but a thumbnail of the earth's march through history. From the beginning, when forbidden fruit ushered our first parents out of a Garden, humankind has been in an ongoing love-hate relationship with our Creator. Some eras have been buoyed by the warmth and intimacy for which we were designed. Others have been as full of friction as an electrical storm on a summer day.

All of Scripture lends credence to the reality that the biggest Storm is ahead. By the time it is over, the earth as we know it will have come to an end. Those final moments will be met with celebration by some and desolation by others, depending on which side they have choosen as the last grains drop through the hourglass. Which side will you be on? Are you sure that you are ready?

Joel was an Old Testament prophet who lived in the days of King Joash, a man who ascended to the throne at ripe age of seven. His nation was in turmoil. God used that desolate time to craft a message to Joel: "Get ready; the End of Days is not far off!" 2,800 years later, we still echo that message. Are we really near the end? We are certainly almost three millennia nearer than Joel was! The larger (and much more important) question is, "Will that day be one of celebration for you? Or desolation?"

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No Tomorrow

40 years ago next week, the Sunday comics carried a "Peanuts" edition in which Charlie Brown was watching a golf tournament and the announcer said, "He's down to the last putt...there's no tomorrow!" Sally walked in during that last phrase, then ran out screaming, "There's no tomorrow! There's no tomorrow!" (View this classic here.)

For some crazy reason, that one comic edition has stayed with me all these years, causing an occasional story and frequent laughter on my part. The idea of "Judgment Day" has been the subject of innumerable books, movies and jokes. In reality, though, Judgment Day will be no laughing matter. If you think the power clash that results from a warm front colliding with a cold front is a big, stormy event, it will pale next to the ultimate clash between light and darkness.

Last week we admitted that darkness pushes back. Any time the power of God begins to light up a person or a church or a region, it gets the attention of the powers of darkness. Simon Peter wrote, "Dear friends, don’t be surprised at the fiery trials you are going through, as if something strange were happening to you." (1 Peter 4:12 NLT) Peter had discovered up close and personal that following Jesus can result in great hardship at the hands of a dark enemy who is "taking names."

Those who choose to reflect the light of Christ, though, must remember that the darkness won't gain the final victory. The sunrise every morning is a reminder that light ultimately triumphs over darkness. That judgment day clash will be massive and deadly, followed by the reality: "There's no tomorrow!" When that happens, all the jokes and snide comments will be lost in the cacophonous cries of those who aren't ready. For them, "no tomorrow" will be final and hopeless.

Joel, like other Old Testament prophets, described what he saw. He didn't always know if his visions would take place right away or in some far-off century. In the end, both are true. Most prophecies have been fulfilled in ways large or small over and over again in preparation for the final, cataclysmic end of this world. On that day, darkness will be complete and permanent for those who walk in darkness. Light will be eternal for those who have chosen Him who said, "I am the light of the world."

More about it this weekend at Stone Ridge Church. If you can't be there, catch the podcast online here or download it here.

 

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Darkness Pushes Back

The power of darkness is pervasive. I'm never surprised when it pushes back against the light. Anyone who has watched their flashlight gradually lose its charge as the night closes in can attest to the persistent, often scary creep of darkness.

A co-worker of mine once had his world rocked by a series of events he couldn't control. He was driving toward a meeting at our church campus one evening when three girls darted out in front of him in traffic. Two young girls were with their older sister when they decided to cross the street far from any crosswalk. My friend was driving the speed limit in the right lane. Next to him was a pickup truck with a camper shell which obscured his vision to the left and in front of the truck. The driver of the pickup saw the girls run out in front of him and had time to stop, but my friend had no idea what was happening until he struck one of the girls. She was thrown up onto the hood of his car, then back onto the street. Rushed to the hospital, the girl had a broken leg.

My friend, a precise and cautious driver, also has a sweet spot for kids. He was devastated by this accident which he had no chance to avoid. He immediately stepped into the light as he confronted the darkness of his situation. After dealing with the police, he made his way straight to the hospital to reach out to the girl's family and pray for them. They received him with warmth and words of comfort, realizing his devastation. The light seemed to be winning the day...until darkness began closing in.

At some point, the little girl's parent began to see the accident as a way to make some money. Though my friend's car insurance was ready to pay for any medical bills, the parent began a quest to file a lawsuit which ultimately included my friend, the driver of the pickup and our church. Local attorneys looked at the case and refused to take it, but an attorney was found in a large city who agreed to represent the family.

Months turned into a few years before the case went to court. The plaintiff tried to prove that the daughter had suffered mental disability from the accident. Sadly, the parent had spent significant time and energy taking the daughter to physicians in order to prove the alleged difficulty, but had not done anything with doctors to treat the "problem."

The darkness that absorbed the heart of this greedy parent ended up hurting everyone. While my friend essentially won his court case, we were all left heartbroken over a little girl who had become nothing more than a pawn in an attempt to profit from her injury. We could tell that the emotional markings would be left on her for years to come. She might never escape the ugly darkness which had been thrust upon her.

Darkness creeps in. The prophet Joel described it in the Old Testament book that bears his name. We will look at it this weekend at Stone Ridge Church. If you can't be there, catch the podcast online here or download it here.

 

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Downright Scary

Looking back 237 years gives us a unique perspective on the actions of our forefathers. A century and a half ago, our nation's president reflected that they had "brought forth on this continent a new nation, conceived in liberty and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal." He obviously saw their decision to declare their independence from a throne that cared little for anything but the wealth of this new land as an act of supreme boldness and courage. The founding fathers themselves, however, weren't trying to be bold nor courageous; they were simply responding the best way they knew how to the tyranny of their age.

Some years ago, I got a taste of making a decision that was later described as bold and courageous. Our church had left our long-time home with plans to relocate. For a time we were meeting in rented facilities, moving in and out every weekend. About a year into our pilgrimage, a large contingent of our people left. We were suddenly without their service and their financial support. We had to decide whether we would go ahead and purchase the property we had already found. Before the exodus, it seemed a simple decision. Afterward, it was full of question marks. I remember thinking, "Are we nuts? Are we buying property we can't afford?" We prayed it through and decided to go ahead with the purchase. It may have seemed bold later, but it was downright scary at the time.

As our founding fathers pledged their lives, their fortunes and their sacred honor to fight for the independence of this New World from England, they were full of questions and doubt. But they forged ahead, confident that God would be with them during their struggle. The prize was worth the price. You and I enjoy great liberty today because of them.

The next time you feel backed into a corner and have to take a big risk, ask a few questions to clarify your decision:

1. Have we prayed about it?
2. Is moving forward consistent with our vision and our values as an organization (or as a family)?
3. What will we gain if we take the risk and succeed?
4. What will we lose if we take the risk and fail?

I'm so glad our founders took the risk. Happy 237th Birthday, America!

 

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Face the Darkness; Find the Hope

Cathy and I recently listened to the audio version of Unbroken, by Laura Hillenbrand. The book describes the horrible trial of a World War 2 bomber crew who crashed into the Pacific. The three who survived the crash found themselves huddled on two small life rafts trapping rain and catching fish and birds to stay alive for weeks. When the ocean current finally carried them to land, they were taken captive by Japanese sailors. Then they faced the horror of POW camps and the daily struggle between life and death. Hour after hour Cathy and I listened to this book as we traveled down highways, constantly amazed at the depth of their darkness and the hope that sustained them. As the first American planes flew over the camp to drop supplies and announcements of the Japanese surrender, our hearts leapt within us; they were going home!

From a Biblical perspective, the darker the darkness, the more precious the light when we see it. The greater the emptiness, the more God's fullness means to us.

The prophet Joel wanted the message to be heard loud and clear: "Blow a trumpet! Sound the alarm!" Spiritual lethargy, he said, can lead to severe judgment. God lets us fall into dark times, neither so that we can curse the darkness, nor so that we can brush it off as insignificant. Instead, God wants us to face it for what it is, turning to Him in our weakness and shame. Once we acknowledge that the darkness is bigger than our human light can extinguish, we are ready for God to pour out His hope. What will it look like? We will talk about it this week at Stone Ridge Church. If you can't be here, catch the podcast online or subscribe to take it with you.

 

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Even A Little Light Breaks The Darkness

It's dark in my house at night. Even though we live in the city, with streetlights, porch lights and occasional cars during the wee hours, the combination of blinds and sunscreens make it dark enough to stub a toe or trip over a piece of furniture. Except for that one. tiny. nightlight.

Our nightlight shines 24/7, but it's hardly noticeable during the day. It's the darkness that makes it appear to light up with a rare brilliance. That one, small beacon casts its glow to the entire house. It provides just enough lumens to let us move around at night in relative safety. Believe me, I notice when we go to bed and the bulb has burned out. And I get up immediately to screw in a new bulb.

The darker it is, the more a little light shines. What's true in my home is true in our world. Joel, an Old Testament writer rivets us with the description of the spiritual darkness in his generation. If all we get from his writing is the pain of that dark time, it would be a most depressing book! That leads to the question, "Is there ANY light available when spiritual darkness settles in upon us? Is there a way out?"

Thankfully, Joel didn't leave his people (or us) trapped in the mess. He offered a "survival guide" to get through it and come out better for it. We will find out this weekend how to turn on the light. If you can't get to Stone Ridge Church, catch the podcast on iTunes under "Stone Ridge Sermons."

 

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